My blog really inspires me , i read what i write again and again .
Have you ever just sit there and look at yourself and examine every single detail about yourself and just get really upset because you’re you
Well, i do .. i am not 100 % proud of choices i make. And about my heart , it has a big role in my life .. i follow instincts , sometimes i end up in a pit like , the times called right now
over these period of life , i have changed alot , but got some traits embedded in me which never goes away like wishing a star , dreaming for a fairy tale , believing in people , … bla bla .. i really want to change and become a complete selfish , cold hearted , girl !!
I used to write,you know? I used to write poems , letters … i still send occasional cards !! why am i so old fashioned ??
My life is really sweet , with sweet friends and family around , but there were pain and agony sometimes which drove me crazy … i still wonder, was that me , who chased those wrong dreams and hoped for dream coming true .. how stupid i was !! i was a big s-t-u-p-i-d , idiotic girl …. i believed in ,people , caring , love, friendship and humanity !!I had feelings that were eating me alive. i really did my best to care for friends and hold them forever ,its all gone in vain , none really cared to hold me !! (kinda sad) ~ Now , what left is just ME and result of my stupid actions …
Now ,there are times when I feel empty, misplaced and all that. And I have a panic attack ,because I was always the one that felt too much .Where did I left the overachiever in me?
I think I lost it somewhere or maybe I realised what relationships are all about these day…I am only good at lying to myself.
My eyes are usually the ones that tell the whole freaking truth and my mouth follows.
So,I guess I should look in mirrors more often.
I’m still lost and I just don’t belong and I’m stuck . And I feel high on something that makes me numb for long periods of time.
i hope i will get to the shore ~~~
moreover , i do not want to end the talkative side of me , now i do alot talking through posting here …